As I fast approach my 4-month sober anniversary -and I can honestly say I have been sober- I can’t help but think I’m backsliding a bit. Maybe it’s my newfound affinity for butter or perhaps it’s the fact that I inhaled several large spoonfuls of curly white pasta straight out of the pan tonight, but in any case I feel a need to re-commit. I can’t help but wonder if it might be because I have not been to any recovery meetings lately. Since summer has hit, I’ve been busy and I must admit, a little too self-confident about my new sugar-free lifestyle. I’m not sure what it is about those meetings, but I heartily feel that they greatly contribute to addiction recovery success. I think that it might be the fact that attendance shows humility. It is an outward sign of an inward dependence on God. That’s huge. And I also believe that just showing up is a form of serving others. So I’m re-committing myself to my Monday afternoon meetings. I also feel that I might be ready to take the next step in abstinence. I’ve been trying to stick to mainly whole grains, but refined flour has crept into my daily intake more and more lately. I have to say that on a scale of 1 to 10, I’ve been a steady 6 or 7 as far as mood goes and probably about a 5 or 6 in energy level. (As opposed to the 2 and 1’s I felt during my sugar-inebriated life.) But I want to get into the 8’s! Or dare I hope for 9’s? Please note that I have not posted my weight or mentioned any weight loss/gain. I actually don’t know what I weigh. I don’t own a scale anymore. I’m pretty sure that I haven’t lost any weight as my clothes fit the same, and I still have that particularly annoying back-fat fold right below my bra line. But I just don’t care. I feel so much better! I’m not saying that it’s always easy (or ever easy!) My daughter made chocolate krinkle cookies the other day. I love those. I’ve just found that not having any makes it doable. It’s the “having just one bite” that does me in. Do I worry about falling off the wagon? Yep. Do I salivate when I smell cookies in the oven? Yep. Do I wish I could be one of those skinny people who can eat half a candy bar? Yep. (How do they do that anyway???) But am I happier than I was 4 months ago? Yep. And that’s the part I’m focusing on.
Man. I only let my girls make cookies when I'm going to be out of the house. Jeez. One day at a time anyway right? Don't worry about tomorrow --that can put you on an "emotional bender" anyway and screw you up. Sometimes a trigger for me anyway. Just live in the present. I've got a meeting at 10:30 but hope to see you today. Save me a seat :)
ReplyDeleteThe meetings ARE a large part of recovery success. You'll find as you continue along your path - being able to rid yourself of different "chemicals" or forms of your particular addiction, other things will come to your attention that need to be addressed. You may find other addictions that have plagued your life, but you were so caught up in this one, you didn't notice.....or you didn't care. And then we also wake up and realize that even though we're not struggling, per se, with our addiction, we're just plain struggling with the ourselves - our personality flaws and our relationship issues. Those things seem to be ongoing and never ending :) You're doing great! But YES! Keep going to the meetings regularly. And you might enjoy others besides the Monday ones.
ReplyDeleteI think I should start coming because I know I have issues.
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