Confession: I went a whole day and a half without white food, and I felt like there was no reason to live. I mean sure I have my beautiful family and my dog and of course my Sweaty Chix, but it was like there was nothing to look forward to. What is that all about? Have I lived my life like a donkey, with food dangling in front of me like a carrot, moving from one refined carb encounter to another? Looking back I think I have. It gave me something to look forward to. That box of Milk Duds (or four boxes) at the movie theater. The chocolate dipped Ice Cream bar (or 5 of them) on the way home from class. The thought of going to hospital to visit my dad because I know they have chocolate caramel pretzels (or 6 of them) in the gift shop. And now? What do I have to look forward to? I feel sort of empty. I suppose I need to fill that void with something. I think exercise filled that for a while. But when my classes became more work and stress than fun, I once again turned to food, my old reliable friend that was always there to comfort me. Now what can I do? I like to read. Maybe I’ll try reading more. I like typing these letters for my blog. I can do more of that. I used to make jewelry. That might work.
Oh, by the way, I did have 2 white rolls with dinner tonight. And they were yummy. And I don’t hate myself.
Thanx for reminding me that I have a chocolate dipped ice cream bar in the freezer. I'd forgotten them..
ReplyDeleteI thought I would share I have been mixing my cookies in cream herbalife shake with a premier protein shake from costco (30grams of protein) and then putting it in the freezer for like 10 minutes and you have a frosty!
ReplyDeleteMy sister said after she started OA, she experienced that same thing --like there was so much ROOM in her life, and she didn't know how to fill it. I know when I did that show, I really, literally experienced a mourning period while giving up all of that stuff. My sister said after a while, after getting over the hump, she felt like she was able to grow so much spiritually, emotionally, etc. --she found what she needed in relationships, in her art, etc. The question is: is this the right step for you? Giving up flour and sugar completely isn't the right step for me, but I found out only after being completely willing to find out. You'll be given the answers you need. Why WOULDN'T he help you with that? That help is real. Scary to open yourself up to the answers you don't want, ---took me months, to even ask. Seriously. It was so scary. I was going to do the whole program though if it was right.
ReplyDeleteNo lie.......the LDS Addiction Recovery Program - their 12-step meetings. There are even special meetings for food addictions.
ReplyDeleteI was on fb today and saw the link to your blog. I haven't read it since December. I was holding back the tears reading it! I hate that this is so hard for you. You are an amazing person Wendy, and you will conquer this! I wish we could go on our therapy/walks everyday! I miss you, I love you even more!!!!
ReplyDeleteHey, I hope you don't mind another comment ... I'm Amara's sister and I was totally where you are. I've found a lot of hope and honestly, so much relief. There's a lot to fill that void, once you clear everything else out of the way. I'd love to help, if you're interested, but no pressure, and no pressure to get in touch soon. Take as long as you need. If you just want to talk to someone who's been there, I'm happy to do that, too.
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