Hi Chix. I think my last few posts must have been alarming as I had phone calls from several of you who were worried about me. One friend called and told me that my posts had made her so sad that she cried. (And before I go on, let me assure everyone that I'm fine and that the razor blade and the bathtub may have been a little overdramatic.) Anyway, another friend came over one night and told me she felt like I was calling out for help. She brought me a copy of the LDS Addiction Recovery Program book and a schedule of their meetings. At first I thought it sounded a little weird, but she said she had been attending and it had changed her life. I told her I’d go with her the next day. I kind of expected it to be a bunch of drug and porn addicts talking about their problems, but it was’t like that at all. As a matter of fact, it was the most spiritual meeting I have ever attended. I’m sure there were all kinds of addicts there, but no one spoke of any details or even of their particular issue. They spoke of finding hope through Christ. They spoke of their recovery experiences and the love of God that they felt through their struggles. I couldn’t help but think that these people were celestial shoe-ins. They were so humble and grateful. I couldn’t wait to go back. And I have been every week since. They have meetings specifically for eating disorders, and I’ve started attending those. The book that goes along with the program outlines the 12 steps used by Alcoholics Annonymous, but they are adapted for Christians, specifically members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It explains the principle of each step and gives questions to ponder and write about. In my last post I talked a little about the void I had been feeling without having food to turn to. In talking to some of the recovering addicts in the group, I’ve concluded that real healing comes from discovering the true source of that void. Supposedly “working” these 12 steps is what does that. I’m not sure how it works, but the first step is finding the honesty and humilty to actually begin. I’m sure that’s why attending meetings is important. It’s an action step, as is admitting that we are powerless to overcome our addictions. I have taken that first step. I know for a fact that I can’t overcome this on my own. The Milk Duds and the ice cream bars (among many other binges not mentioned) proved that to me. This journey has become much more complicated than I foresaw, but I’m determined. Determined to be healed once and for all. My name is Wendy. I’m an addict, and by the way I’m 45 days clean.
